Identity. Whoever we think we are shapes our view of the world. It is a point of view. Point of viewing everything else. It is a controlling factor in how we make choices, what we grasp for, what we hold tightly to. It directs us. Blinds us. Makes us… or defeats us. So I need to think carefully about who I am.
I am not a homeschool mom.
Feels strange to write that.
I have homeschooled my kids for 18 years.
And I have loved homeschooling. When people asked how it was going, I would light up and say, “I’m learning so much! Oh, and my kids are doing great too….”
I used to read curriculum magazines for fun. And I made the most wonderful, lasting friendships in that community.
But lately, homeschooling wasn’t working as well for my family, and it was beginning to threaten my way of life.
It happened gradually. I just didn’t think my children were thriving. They were passing…but not becoming.
And so the “S” word became a topic of conversation. And prayer.
For several years in a row I prayed about School. My husband prayed. My mother prayed. My mother-in-law prayed. It just became a part of the fabric of my prayer life. “Lord, if school is the best thing for my kids….”
But it always stopped there. Once we visited a local Christian school. But that was it.
And so I began my school year last fall with this prayer: “Lord, I’m homeschooling again this year. (Surprise.) But Lord, if you know that school is really the right change for my children, please give me overwhelming wisdom.” That was my prayer. Overwhelming wisdom. I reasoned with God that a little wisdom wouldn’t get me there. My inner gravitational pull was toward homeschooling. I loved it. And I knew it. Only overwhelming wisdom could compel me to take a different direction.
That school year was a testimony to Overwhelming Wisdom.
It came in many ways, but this one was key.
It was One of Those Days. Kids were bickering. Lessons were limping. Even a belligerent No came from my children on that morning.
This isn’t working, fear gripped my heart.
I looked directly into the angry face of one of my children and thought, You are ruining my vision for my life.
Continue reading “RETHINKING WHO I AM”