ZOMBIES OR JESUS

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I had a terrible fall semester.

Started out all wrong. First of all, I ended the summer feeling – not rested, which scared me. I home school my kids, and I think we should at least START the year with a bang….

And before the first day of school, one of my daughters got pneumonia and another daughter broke her arm. (“She may get full motion back with lots of physical therapy,” the doctor tells me. Oh great! I’ve got plenty of time and energy for that!)

And then a couple months later, my adult daughter with disabilities had her first grand mal seizure in a public place. Ambulances. Emergency rooms. Cat scans.

Finally, the day after Thanksgiving, as I stood in line on my favorite shopping day of the year, I felt a wave sweep over me. Uh, oh. I hope I’m not coming down with something…. But I was. I had some sort of virus that lasted until after Christmas.

I look back on that holiday season as my most secular Christmas ever. I felt so depleted and I had so much to do, that I never even set up our Advent wreath. I didn’t do any of my traditional Advent readings, and I never sang “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel.”

I thought, I’m not gonna make it. So many sighs. So many questions.

But then – I saw what I needed. Funny how that happens….

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STONES & SCORPIONS

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My daughter received some discouraging news yesterday. The friend she was hoping to room with is having second thoughts about where she wants to live for the next year. Which is fine, except Katherine was making her plans around community and friendship, and, well, it’s just another setback…disappointment.

Seems like there are just so many of those. Disappointments.

Don’t I know it. I remember throwing away about ten to fifteen prayer journals that went back YEARS because they were horrifyingly filled with the exact same prayer requests over and over again that were not answered. It was embarrassing! It was frightening.

Sitting at the kitchen table, I tried to lead my daughter in another brainstorming exercise of other possible job opportunities she could seek. Other locations. Other communities. But it came down to this: she was afraid. Afraid that once again it wasn’t going to work out. Afraid to be alone.

And I’m afraid for her and with her. Just so many prayer journals….

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