There are just so many things I want. They are not bad things. In fact it’s all pretty normal stuff. But I look around and it seems like everyone else has them.
And that hurts.
I look around, and I think…
I want your house. It’s in the perfect location. Always clean. No chipped paint. So up to date and well-decorated.
I want your job. Your significance. My life of mundane tasks feels so infinitely unimportant.
I want your family. It seems so put together and cohesive. Mine is complicated and a lot of work.
And -I want your community. I have many life-long friends, but they are spread out on different continents and in different cities and in different circles. I’m feeling alone. For once, I want a crowd.
So here I am, filled with all these empty thoughts, and it’s beginning to feel a bit like Envy. Like, you don’t deserve all those things. And you think you’ve earned them. And, I’m not going to help you get even more.
“Where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.” (James 3:16)
Continue reading “THE CURE FOR ENVY”
I see a blue and white comforter spread across my lap when I remember the beginning of this journey. How appropriate. Who knew that Blue would be the color of Autism Awareness Month so many years later….
I was waiting for the phone call. My husband had met with the surgeon the day before, and now he paced the sterile halls of Johns Hopkins Hospital waiting for word of how it had gone.
“We need to finish the heart surgery in 20 minutes. At 25 minutes, she will lose the function of her legs. At 30 minutes ….” He had informed us.
How we prayed! How we watched the clock tick by!
My sweet baby was only four days old. Five pounds was all she was, but every ounce was precious to us. We called her Grace.
We knew while I was pregnant that something wasn’t right. The day after she was born we met with a specialist who laid it out for us. Correctable heart defects now, possible kidney issues, hearing would probably be a concern. Oh, and growth and thyroid to watch for.
No one knew that autism would be added to the list, or that autism would end up being the biggest concern of all.
Continue reading “RAISING A DAUGHTER WITH AUTISM: GRACE MIXED WITH GRIEF”